Talking to a Loved One About Substance Use: Do’s and Don’ts
At Seneca Health Services, we understand how painful and overwhelming it can be to watch someone you love struggle with substance use. Wanting to help is natural, but knowing exactly how to help isn’t always clear.
Conversations about substance use are deeply emotional, and they can feel awkward or even intimidating to start. But open, caring dialogue can often be the first step toward real change. If you’re concerned about a family member, friend, or partner, here are some important do’s and don’ts to guide you through these tough but necessary conversations — and how we can help you along the way.
DO: Choose the Right Time and Place
Timing matters. It’s best to talk when your loved one is sober and when you both have privacy and time to talk calmly, without distractions or pressure to rush. A quiet, comfortable space can make it easier for them to listen and for you to speak from the heart.
DON’T: Start a Conversation When Emotions Are High
Avoid trying to have this conversation in the heat of an argument or when your loved one is under the influence. Discussions that begin in anger or frustration are more likely to escalate into conflict and defensiveness rather than lead to understanding.
DO: Use “I” Statements
Focus on sharing how you feel and what you’ve noticed. For example:
- “I’ve been really worried about you lately.”
- “I feel scared when I see how much you’re drinking.”
This helps prevent the other person from feeling blamed or attacked, which can shut the conversation down.
DON’T: Lecture, Criticize, or Shame
No one wants to feel judged or cornered. Avoid labels like “addict” or “junkie,” and steer clear of ultimatums or threats unless safety is at risk. Substance use disorders are complex medical conditions, not moral failings. Compassion, not shame, opens the door to recovery.
DO: Listen Without Interrupting
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is listen — listen — without jumping in to offer immediate solutions. Silence your inner problem-solver for a moment and give them room to share how they feel, even if you don’t agree or understand everything immediately.
DON’T: Expect an Immediate Commitment to Change
It’s natural to hope that one heartfelt talk will inspire action. But the truth is, change is a process, and your loved one may not be ready yet. They may deny there’s a problem or react defensively. Don’t give up — keep the lines of communication open and remind them you’re there to help when they’re ready.
DO: Set Healthy Boundaries
Supporting someone in recovery doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior. It’s okay — and necessary — to set clear, loving boundaries to protect your own well-being. For example, you can say:
- “I can’t lend you money for drugs or alcohol.”
- “I can’t lie to cover for you at work or school.”
Boundaries are not punishments; they’re acts of self-respect and a way to encourage responsibility.
DON’T: Try to Do It Alone
Supporting a loved one through substance use challenges can be draining and emotionally complex. You don’t have to navigate it by yourself. Reach out to trusted friends, a counselor, or local support groups for family members, such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon.
At Seneca Health Services, we’re here to help both individuals and their families find hope and healing. Our team can guide you in having these tough conversations, connect you to local support resources, and offer professional counseling and treatment options.
When to Seek Immediate Help
Sometimes, a loved one’s substance use reaches a crisis point. If they talk about harming themselves or someone else, overdose, or if you fear for their immediate safety, call 911 or your local crisis hotline right away.
You can also reach out to our 24/7 crisis services:
📞 [Insert Seneca Health Services Crisis Hotline Number]
How Seneca Health Services Can Help
We provide confidential, compassionate care for individuals living with substance use disorders and support for their families. Whether you need guidance on where to start, counseling for yourself or your loved one, or help with relapse prevention, we’re here for you.
If you’re ready to talk, reach out to us today. One conversation can be the beginning of a healthier, more hopeful tomorrow for you and your loved one.
You are not alone. We’re here, every step of the way.